There comes a time in everyone’s life when you look in the mirror and think “how did I let myself go?” I’ve reached that point.
Over the weekend we went to a puppy play date with the Cape Dachshund Rescue group, and a few other supporters and the photos that have come from that made me cry. I looked at them and I honestly knew that I am overweight, but I didn’t realize it’s this bad.
I used to weigh 64kg, and at 1.6m tall, that wasn’t skinny, but I was able to feel my hipbones, my collarbones were defined, and I was a size 36 (I’ve always worn bigger sizes because my thighs and calves are big and muscular, and at the moment, nicely wrapped in a layer of fat!). just before I went into hospital in April of 2012, I was depressed, and didn’t eat, and lost about 10kg in 2 weeks (I didn’t sleep, drank about 25 cups of coffee a day and walked 6km to work and back). That much weight loss so drastically is never healthy, and the weight did come back, and brought friends
Fast forward to 2014, I’ve since been diagnosed with PCOS and gained 25kg, putting me at a staggering 90kg. At one stage I was gaining 2kg a week, and of course living the unhealthiest lifestyle because I was depressed and hated everything about living in Cape Town. Photos from the abovementioned events have had me in tears, because I’d deluded myself into thinking that everything was okay. “I’m overweight but it’s not that bad. None of my clothes fit anymore so I’ll hide behind Henley tops and tights, and maxi skirts, and if those don’t fit I’ll just buy more”. Nothing is as powerful as a mind that doesn’t want to believe the truth.
I’ve been sitting at home for 2 months, and you’d think that would have been motivation enough, but I’m a lazy person by nature. I talked about walking or doing some jogging, but forever had an excuse. I think I was just too depressed with the situation I found myself in to actually do anything about it. I’ve managed to maintain my weight, despite the large amount of baking and cooking I’ve done, but I haven’t lost anything. I now wear a size 40, and actually can’t believe the sight of myself from behind, it’s disgusting and these photos have me in tears.
Today I decided that it’s time to change. I turn 27 next month, and soon I’ll be 30 and then losing weight will be even harder than ever. I also hope to get married next year, and I want to be a bride in a pretty dress that doesn’t require the same amount of fabric as a circus tent (laugh but that’s how I feel, and I’m entitled to a moment of melodrama). I’ve downloaded some very cool fitness apps for my phone, researched a few ways to cut unhealthy food from my diet (bye bye sprite), and have downloaded some fitness games for the Xbox. It’s a small start, but by next year, I’d like to be fit enough to go to a gym without shame, and then I can really kick it into high gear!
This photo was taken in Feb of 2012, so almost 3 years ago. I was at my skinniest, around 65kg and this is my goal. It’s not skinny skinny but I was happy
These were taken over the weekend
And that’s my butt …
So as you see, I have a lot of work to do, and hope that in a few weeks I’ll be able to update you with loads of positive progress!
Love, and sloppy doxie kisses